Looks like we made it…!

At the beginning of the semester, I had a lot of false starts. I’d look at the semester’s syllabi, look at my agenda, and go back and forth, wondering how I was going to start to get everything done. When practicing an instrument came into the picture, and I rather… ambitiously (read: unthinkingly) chose something I should be practicing a little every day, it got a bit more serious. At that point, combining this task with my inquiry project was not just efficient, it was essential – I wouldn’t have been able to get through the work without mindfulness and near-constant supervision that I was being kind to myself throughout the process.

Looking at my progress over the semester, I’m a little surprised – I simultaneously did a lot less than I anticipated (laughing about thinking I’d practice every day…), and so much more than I thought (building the kind of attitude that allows for spontaneous learning, even when it isn’t effortless). A couple days ago I watched my first video – wild to me that this is only several weeks ago – and honestly, it’s a pretty painful listen. I remember I’d think maybe, if I got lucky, something would randomly click and I’d be able to play the flute. The click might have happened a little, but for the most part, I think I just needed to put in the time.

I took more of an outreach-approach during this part of the term by looking to new sources of inspiration and guidance: reaching farther out with flute and growth tips from a professional, and getting in touch with my community for advice. Talking to someone I knew was a real hurdle because I felt like admitting that I didn’t practice often or that I was still struggling with the same couple notes had greater weight if the person expressly knew what I was talking about. I still had a lot of practicing to do, in short. But I’ve found it easier and more enjoyable lately than I had in the past (although, nothing can replace the feeling of hitting your first note). Even when my files corrupt and all of my inquiry content disappears, which happened earlier in the day when I recorded these videos. (You learn to brush it off, because in the end, it’s replicable.) Focusing more on the growth mindset element is like a road that keeps stretching out beyond you, because as long as you are open to learning more, you’re never finished.

i did a few play-throughs, and wanted to get from start to finish on camera. there was another version that i think i did a better job of maintaining a sense of timing and kept more consistency in my register (here, i float a little up and down depending on how my breath is doing). but, i decided to make this one the final because i was proud that i got through the entire song without making any technical note mistakes because it took me * forever !!! * to memorize all of the runs in this song. i can keep working at it to get the timing or the pitch better, but this is a good start.

One good thing that came out of this semester, growing in confidence and my ability, is that I was able to ask around for a flute to play once I give my rental back to the school. I’d had a tiny little inkling that I wanted to keep going before it actually came up organically in a conversation with a friend. I’m not sure exactly how to format my learning from here, but I suppose I’ve already self-directed my way this far. I would not be surprised if I end up circling back to the Flute Channel after everything is said and done – over 400 videos, come on!! – but I also don’t want to limit myself to my desk and computer. I don’t think there are any concerts in my future, but I have well enough talented friends that I could at least expand my comfort zone.

Thanks for keeping up with the journey so far. I might roll out with some Christmas tunes for the season, but, until then…