open new tab. type quickly to keep chrome extension from going off, and because years of emails and intake forms build serious muscle memory. look and…….. disappointment?

For the sake of professionalism, and this website being a portfolio to catalogue and build my professional pursuits, this week I wanted to take up a suggestion from Dr. Michael: to look myself up on the internet. As someone who is not-terribly-online (as far as the spectrum can, and does, go) but was most definitely online at a young, mistake-making age, my pre-emptive cringe rolled in my head as the following:

  • will the first image in the gallery be an embarrassing baby picture from auntie B’s archives?
  • what if I’m being impersonated and the perp has awful taste?
  • did I ever take down my Nexopia account from 2006?

Here’s what came up.

To keep in mind image privacy, I decided I would blur out the faces of those who weren’t consenting to be posted on this blog. You may notice it’s in every picture. That’s because none of them are me.

found instead, on images and search results, are various Aubrey Haywards: UK Finance Bro; award-winning teacher out of Springfield; Aubrey, who lives in Hayward, Wisconsin; and because of the territory of gender-neutral names, a lot of old men (unsurprising) as well as the photo for my late- and estranged-grandfather’s obituary (more surprising).

Google’s did you mean function, rudely, insists that I must have spelled my name wrong (Aubrey, Audrey, Heyward). The only search result that I recognize is my X account (also spelled wrong, albeit intentionally: 3 e’s) which I opened in 2009 and abandoned in 2014, and I am also highly suspicious that a Prezi on the Red Hot Chili Peppers from 2011 might be mine.

I wish I could say I’m only joking when I express how annoyed this actually makes me. Nearly 15 years of being online, and I have nothing to show for it? I disable my VPN and checked again. I check on my phone instead of my laptop. I check my married name. I check my maiden and married name, and find this entry:

good to have your bases covered.

I remember that location is another part of the search query. Victoria: no update. Vancouver: no update. Vernon: a couple more obituaries – cold – lists of Honour Roll for junior years in high school – getting warmer – coverage of a play in which I had a leading role – hot, except the story has been taken down by the paper. I remember that Dr. Michael said that as search results can be strategically hidden, search results can build up over time. I start thinking about what I want people to see: someone with diverse hobbies, who is plugged into a community, who has worked hard to contribute to systems and structures through my career, or at least this website.

Linkedin has a guide on how to curate your personal brand as the response to Googling oneself. The prompts are the most helpful when you do want to sincerely market yourself, which I am not sure I do, but it does work to spin gears. What is my specialty? Loving a good catalogue of resources to be prepared and organized. What are my values? Collaboration of things, and the humility to do so. Where can I showcase this marketable self of mine? On a blog or website… I guess it’s all starting.

This website doesn’t show up in Google, yet.