A few years ago when I was running a cafe, I had an employee who was studying psychology at the same time. She, the quintessential oldest-child, was learning about birth order and dutifully relayed her learning to me (absolutely a youngest-child, so I am always interested in what other people are doing). What stuck out, and I promise will be relevant shortly, is that youngest children tend to perceptively take stock of what makes their older siblings individuals, and then do the exact opposite. I am not totally decided on the veracity of birth order psychology, but I can tell you that for no apparent reason, I became the musician in my family, possibly because no one else was doing it. And I rather suspect that it was grasping for an “other-ness” that I leaned into music as a child, given that my #1 priority as a musician was finding things that I could be quickly or automatically good at, and leave the passion or dedication or discipline to practice by the wayside. I played piano, guitar, ukulele, double bass, electric bass, and timpani because they came to me with relative ease. And one day, I rented a flute, assembled it, blew air at it, but then packed it away.
I had been utterly smitten: one of my first concerts was to see Jethro Tull in about 2008. Let me assure you that at 61 years old, Ian Anderson put more into playing the flute for 90 minutes than I had put effort into anything in my life so far. But actually playing the flute was another story – the keys weren’t aligned in a system that made sense to me, I couldn’t just blow air into the mouthpiece and expect sound to come out, and I flopped. So I took it back to the rental shop. I never told anyone that I was about to start, because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be followed up with about it – I guess it was safer that way.
Now that I’m in school to become a teacher, I’m learning a lot about growth mindsets and fixed mindsets. I am constantly catching myself, at best frequently having to add “… yet” or at worst, stop negative self-talk about the embarrassment that is having a fixed mindset in the first place. So I wanted to give something a try that I really cared to do, but had no evidence that I would succeed at. And this is how the flute has come back into my life.
year two, semester one, edci336, edci306a – pleasure to make your acquaintances. our cohort has been asked to make plans to grow, and i need to work on my growth mindset to do that. so when my music teacher told us we would be developing our skills with an instrument, i knew that i had to do something more for myself than underselling my piano abilities to get off easy. this friday, i rented a flute again.
I have never actually “played” the flute before – my singular attempt didn’t result in any sound. But I have been enamored with its gentle timbre, its ability to rustle into a piece of music that tickles the ears and sends butterflies to the stomach, its range to not just accompany but to take centre-stage. Every year I make a playlist of my most beloved and inspired songs from that season, and last year Enfant teased its way into my life until it was a regular companion. I’m setting out this semester to practice scales, breathwork, articulation, finger placement, the works – until I can participate in creating this song with my breath and two hands.
Each week I’ll need to rely on my previous music experience and build new skills. While my technical plan is fairly cut-and-dry (transcribe the music, practice notes, go slowly, go faster), my goal for this project in EDCI336 is to go further. Weekly I’ll be keeping up not only with my musical growth, but relearning what it means to be a learner: beginning with, is a growth mindset simply being open to failure? My music teacher emphasized that our action plan might have to change if we have bitten off more than we can chew; I genuinely don’t know if I have taken on an unreasonable amount of work! With any luck, working on my growth mindset at the same time will keep me going during the hard yards. But enough talk…
Coming soon is my experience getting back on the horse after nearly fifteen years…!
